My Brush with Stalking
It was in college that I got my first lesson with bad relationships: a boyfriend who liked to hit when he got frustrated, angry about something. I had a lot of good friends then and family members who helped me see him for what he was. Fast forward to my meeting with my future husband and the same support group I had back then began to be alienated/cut off from me. My world revolved around him. I didn’t realize how fast and efficiently he closed me off from help. Two children later and a nightmare life of walking on eggshells, I bless the day he fell in love with someone else. Because it was what saved my life.
The longer he wasn’t in my life, I began to see with new eyes what he’d done to me, to the kids. Without him, we began to breathe easier, to come alive. Not that he left us alone at first. No, he would show up at my old residence and tell me how his girlfriend’s ex-husband had slit his wrists over her and that he thought that proved how much the guy loved her and didn’t I think I should show how romantic I was by doing the same thing? I told him he wasn’t worth it. At my laughter, he stormed out. Something inside me broke that day and the feelings I thought I still had for him died. I got angry that day. No more would I let him ruin my life.
As the days went on, he followed us when we went places, called me on the phone, sent messages through his family and friends. I finally went to ask for help. The restraining order was the best decision I ever made. Not that I didn’t catch him still following or get hang-up calls, or those messages. His mom called to plead with me to take him back because he and the girlfriend weren’t getting along. I said, “No thanks.” What I did then was to move, cut off contact with his family (the courts had already removed parental rights for him), and start to build a new life. Everything was good till a few years ago when we had to go back to court and the courts released my address info to him. I had asked them not to, but it was too late. I immediately called the police and asked for them to keep an eye out for him. I have better neighbors than I used to (read, not his relatives) and they watch out for us. The thing is, I’m not afraid of him anymore. He’s done everything he could to destroy me and didn’t. I still have to occasionally deal with him with support but life has indeed gotten better, safer.
I just want others out there to know: there is hope. A way out. A future. You may not totally remove them from your life but he’s as far as the east is to the west in my eyes. Seek help. Talk to those people he’s convinced you to remove from your life. They’re still there, caring for you, hurting, and wanting to help you. Don’t believe his lies. In a way, he’s like the devil. He lies because he knows that it will keep you under his thumb. Don’t let him. Take back your life. For you. For your children.
This message goes out to male and female alike. Yes, I know there are some scary women out there as well as men. Whatever the person, you can start anew. Find hope and never let go. God bless you.
More blogs on this at: Stina